Totally ashamed of myself...It was suppose to be a happy night. For HIM to be happy, for me to make him happy and also be happy. But it all turned the other way round.The night out was planned about a week ago. All was done. We will spend time to ourselves first. Then he will go out with his friends, and me will find my own form of entertainment till he calls me back.BUT, he said that he will leave early this morning when he talked to me yesterday morning. I was pissed. He did not tell me the exact reason for leaving then. When I found out he had to go to the temple, I had no choice but to agree.Then, when I reached the hotel, I called him and he told me he had to go and meet his friend first before meeting me. I was even more pissed then. I did not know the reason for him doing that either. When I knew, I was fuming mad already. We quarreled. I shouted. As usual, I am that hot-tempered. He was still tolerant. Thinking back, I HATE HATE HATE myself. I really want to change. How can I do so???In the end, he came. Peace prevailed. In the night, he suggested of going to Orchard Towers. I wanted to tag along. Because I was curious how the place looked like.When we were there, I was totally disgusted by the way the girls behave. He was totally immersed. He suggested that I leave first and we will meet again later. I agreed half-heartedly. Who in the world would allow the one you love dearly go to this type of place. Especially after you have witnessed what might happen to him later on.Seeing me not in a good mood anymore, he was grumbling. I could not take it and walked away. He followed. I cried. He was pissed. I was angry with myself after that.Because of too much crying, I suffered from an intense headache after that. could not even finish my dinner and I went to bed already.When we woke up this morning, things were back to normal. Happy moments. But because we were too happy, now we are fearful.I know he will never forget what I did to him. It is just too hurting. I regret. For spoiling his offday. For being so over possessive. It is impossible to ask for forgiveness. He has always been accommodating me. I have always been taking things for granted.God, I really want to change. I need to change. It is a must!!!I am sorry dear... ...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
4:16 PM